Thursday, March 31, 2011

When Rolling Stone revised its 500 Greatest Songs Ever list, it dropped these ones. There must be some kind of an aesthetic pattern here. Mediocrity widely and readily read as greatness? The whole idea of ranking a set of the 500 greatest songs ever leads to a situation like this. Although I am disappointed that they dropped the Funkadelic song. Once outside a nightclub I saw a red convertible, women sitting on the back seat, blaring Boston's "More than a Feeling," narrowly avoid a fender-bender. The driver was sloshed.

"Da Doo Ron Ron by The Crystals (#114)
"Lose Yourself by Eminem (#166)
"Sh-Boom by The Chords (#215)
"Band of Gold by Freda Payne (#391)
"Kicks by Paul Revere & the Raiders (#400)
"I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly (#406)
"Crossroads by Cream (#409)
"Lola by The Kinks (#422)
"Devil With A Blue Dress On/Good Golly Miss Molly by Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels (#428)
"Keep A-Knockin' by Little Richard (#442)
"By the Time I Get to Phoenix by Glen Campbell (#450)
"Stagger Lee by Lloyd Price (#456)
"One Fine Day by The Chiffons (#460)
"Search and Destroy by The Stooges (#468)
"It's Too Late by Carole King (#469)
"Free Man in Paris by Joni Mitchell (#470)
"On the Road Again by Willie Nelson (#471)
"One Nation Under a Groove by Funkadelic (#474)
"Graceland by Paul Simon (#485)
"Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac (#488)
"You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Dusty Springfield (#491)
"Then He Kissed Me by The Crystals (#493)
"Desperado by Eagles (#494)
"Rainy Night in Georgia by Brook Benton (#498)
"The Boys Are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy (#499)
"More Than a Feeling by Boston (#500)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Penis Salon

Men, hilariously, often do not realize that their penis size has importance to a woman only insofar as any other physical characteristic has importance, that a large penis will not make or break one's attractiveness. Women repeat this time and time again, but a man can't sleep without knowing that he is a 'big man,' that he is himself big, that he is bigger and more capable of damage than the others. Penis enlargement, like so many other monuments of dysfunction and shame, is a growing industry, analogous in kind to female beauty products: a technique of the self, of self-stylization predicated on the excuse of a social exterior that actually cares. Maybe one day soon there will be penis enlargement parlors, or webcommunities about penis size will become vastly more common, as the straight man's obsession with his own body grows to mirror his female counterpart's.